Half Man Half Biscuit Half Hearted

Half Man Half Biscuit Half Hearted

Ah yes. Why spend time typing up the lyrics to Half Man Half Biscuit songs? Because they are gems like no other. We celebrate British bands and artists for seminal musical works (think Bowie or Elvis Costello) and, unless you happen to know the late John Peel's inside leg measurement or you were enlightened as a student, the majesty, wit and sheer intelligence of the HMHB opus is ignored. Shame, shame, shame.


Over the years a number of web sites have recorded some lyrics and a multitude of research notes for the songs [see the excellent www.hmhb.co.uk]. The latter are invaluable to understanding the wide ranging and often obscure historical references. The former are a mixed bag, with only a few songs listed.


So what started out as a full hearted attempt by me to record the lyrics so my sister could understand the songs has developed into a blog post and a project to educate the half-hearted masses and to provide a definitive song list with lyrics.

They'll be other crap on here too such as my own songs "Progressive Dads", "People called Wilson", "Blog-proof iPod", "Armchair Expert" and "Holistically Challenged"- I need to finish writing them first :)

"...Baby I'm from the Wirral Peninsula.
A merciless despot with nothing to lose"

Monkey Man, June 2007

Please note that all lyrics are mostly my interpretation and are presented here to assist you in understanding the songs. They are the copyright of others.

You should also pay a visit to www.chrisrand.com/hmhb/ for HMHB lyrics - a superb site with a superb range of listings

Wednesday 20 June 2007

Thy Damnation, Slumbereth Not [Cammel Laird Social Club]

I’m gonna grab myself an industry insider mask and blag myself in to the after show
I wanna get in amongst the baying hordes of resting actors
Who’ve just got back from visiting Nairobi slums for Comic Relief
And now they’re going to spend the next six weeks sitting in the vestibule
Waiting for the Farm Foods phone call
The farm foods phone call

I’m going to be apprehended by some mandatory galoot with a hand held camera
Who will point it in my face and say, “what are you and what do you do”
And I’ll say I’m a counterblast to Agnosticism how do you do
And he’ll go away immediately

I wanna meet Howard Marks but they say that I can’t
I need four different wrist bands

Oh me oh follow down to the hollow and there we will wallow

There a Brit Pop refuge walking up to me
And his face is hollow from seasons of disappointment
And he starts blathering on about his latest project
Already being dismissed by the most unlikeliest of cable stations
It’s a dot com sitcom about a hip hop chip shop

Chatto and Windus sitting in a tree
“D” “I” “S” “S” “I” “N” “G”
Keith Allen’s autobiography

I’m just trying to break the drudgery of the downstairs maid
I’m just trying to write the sort of tune you can maybe hum while waiting for
Your lover on a railway platform

I wanna meet Howard Marks but they say that I can’t

Oh me oh follow down to the hollow and there we will wallow

I want to perch myself halfway up a metal staircase with the Polydor girls
And talk about meerkats and come out with statements like
Well of course music these days is the slave of mammon and as a result
It has become corrupt and shallow
Its real essence is industry
Its moral purpose is the acquisition of money
Its aesthetic pretext is the entertainment of those who are bored
And yes we’re really excited about going back in to the studio
Hotly tipped highly anticipated and slated for release

I wanna meet Howard Marks but they say that I can’t
He’s talking to Ian Broudie

And come four o’clock if I’m still on my feet there’s a bloke over there
Who said I could meet……Ken Livingstone
Well I’m just a primitive creature of the heath so excuse my savage ignorance
But if I’m still on my feet at four o’clock
I’ll be stealing the lead of the roof

Oh me oh follow down to the hollow and there we will wallow

Stealing the lead of the roof [x4]

Come saddle my milk white steed
I’ve seen much more than I need
And I know that you won’t heed the call
So I sprayed it on to the wall


Thy damnation, slumbereth not


And now the notes taken from www.hmhb.co.uk

More from Hardy's Tess of the d'Urbervilles - Phase the Second, Chapter 1:

"As he [Alec] had her basket she could not well do otherwise; and she waited, observing him. He set down her basket and the tin pot, and stirring the paint with the brush that was in it began painting large square letters on the middle board of the three composing the stile, placing a comma after each word, as if to give pause while that word was driven well home to the reader's heart--

Thy, Damnation, Slumbereth, Not.
2 Pet. ii. 3."

Nairobi capital of Kenya.
Comic Relief a relief from the 'comedy' would be most welcome in most cases. All for a good cause though, so mustn't grumble.
Farm Foods "The frozen food specialists".
galoot was originally the term for a novice seaman.
A Counterblast To Agnosticism another Tess of the d'Urbervilles reference - Phase the First, Chapter 2:

"...Come along, or it will be dark before we get to Stourcastle, and there's no place we can sleep at nearer than that; besides, we must get through another chapter of A COUNTERBLAST TO AGNOSTICISM before we turn in, now I have taken the trouble to bring the book."

Howard Marks Mr. Nice, celebrated ex-dope dealer.
Four different wristbands reference to the various colours you get at festivals these areas. "Pink bands only to get into this toilet, mate."
"follow me oh follow, down to the hollow..." is a slight rewording of The Hippopotamus Song by
Flanders and Swann.
Britpop Blur et al from the early 90's. The refugee in question isn't Mr Albran though. Oh no.
"Chatto & Windus sitting in a tree..." from the rhyme "A and B sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes A with a baby carriage." where A and B seem to be just about anyone..
Chatto & Windus publishers. Not Chettle and Windass.
Keith Allen Actor, Damien Hirst's best mate, chum to the Blur boys and thus one-third of Fat Les.
Polydor Record label.
Mammon Wealth regarded as a God or an evil influence.
Ian Broudie Lightning Seeds mainman (only man), stalwart of the
Liverpool scene (Big in Japan, Original Mirrors etc).
Ken Livingstone leader of the Greater London Council from 1981-86 (when Margaret Thatcher abolished the GLC), Labour MP for Brent East 1987-2000, was on Labour's National Executive Committee 1987-89, and again 1997-98, defeating Peter Mandelson to gain (re-)election. Elected Mayor of
London in May 2000.
"Come saddle my milk-white steed" is from The Gypsy Laddie and Lady Maisry (amongst others), traditional English folk songs and ballads of Francis J. Child. There are umpteen other variations of the song, e.g. Georgie, as performed by Sandy Denny, Martin Carthy, Joan Baez, Ewan McColl...

3 comments:

MickMacve said...

so straight in on into the wall (it rhymes!)

AntMo said...

isn't it "So I sprayed it onto the wall"

EskimoEric said...

Cheers Anthony - that makes sense :)

MM