Half Man Half Biscuit Half Hearted

Half Man Half Biscuit Half Hearted

Ah yes. Why spend time typing up the lyrics to Half Man Half Biscuit songs? Because they are gems like no other. We celebrate British bands and artists for seminal musical works (think Bowie or Elvis Costello) and, unless you happen to know the late John Peel's inside leg measurement or you were enlightened as a student, the majesty, wit and sheer intelligence of the HMHB opus is ignored. Shame, shame, shame.


Over the years a number of web sites have recorded some lyrics and a multitude of research notes for the songs [see the excellent www.hmhb.co.uk]. The latter are invaluable to understanding the wide ranging and often obscure historical references. The former are a mixed bag, with only a few songs listed.


So what started out as a full hearted attempt by me to record the lyrics so my sister could understand the songs has developed into a blog post and a project to educate the half-hearted masses and to provide a definitive song list with lyrics.

They'll be other crap on here too such as my own songs "Progressive Dads", "People called Wilson", "Blog-proof iPod", "Armchair Expert" and "Holistically Challenged"- I need to finish writing them first :)

"...Baby I'm from the Wirral Peninsula.
A merciless despot with nothing to lose"

Monkey Man, June 2007

Please note that all lyrics are mostly my interpretation and are presented here to assist you in understanding the songs. They are the copyright of others.

You should also pay a visit to www.chrisrand.com/hmhb/ for HMHB lyrics - a superb site with a superb range of listings

Tuesday, 18 March 2008

Dickie Davies Eyes [ACD]

Mention the Lord Of The Rings just once more and I’ll more than likely kill you
More cock, more cock, Michael Moorcock you fervently moan
Is this a wok that you shove down my throat or are you just pleased to see me?
Brian Moore’s head looks uncannily like London Planetarium

And all the people who you romantically
Like to still believe are alive are dead
So I’ll wipe my snot on the arm of your chair
As you put another Roger Dean poster on the wall

God, I could murder a Cadbury’s Flake but then I guess you wouldn’t let me into heaven?
Or maybe you would, ‘cos their adverts promote oral sex
A Romany bint in a field with her paints, suggesting we faint at her beauty
But she’s got Dickie Davies eyes

And all the people who you romantically
Like to still believe are alive are dead
So I’ll wipe my snot on the arm of your chair
As you put another Roger Dean poster on the wall

And all the people who you romantically
Like to still believe are alive are dead
So I’ll wipe my snot on the arm of your chair
As you put another Roger Dean poster on the wall

Notes from www.hmhb.co.uk

Title parodies "Bette Davies Eyes" by Kim Carnes.
Sleeve parodies "World Of Sport" title sequence.
Dickie Davies TV presenter of ITV "World of Sport", ITV's amazingly bad World of Sport on Saturday afternoons. DD sported a phenomenal grey streak in his hair, "nice" blazers and managed to maintain an even interest in everything from the FA cup to Monster Truck Pulls. Truly the Beeb got all the good sport in those days. He's from Wallasey (i.e., Merseyside HMHB country), and attended Oldershaw School. Now how's that for trivia?
Opening keyboard riff is a rip-off of the War of the Worlds theme tune.
The Lord Of the Rings Trilogy by J.R.R. Tolkien. The sort of things Oxford professors of Old English do when they have too much spare time. Due to popular demand, virtually every scrap of paper he has ever written on has been published, including the totally unreadable "Unfinished Tales"
Michael Moorcock Science fiction/fantasy writer, much-beloved of a particular sort of saddo, particularly his Elric fantasies. "Moorcock" has an unfortunate pornographic homonym phrase used in the song. Also, it appears, he wrote some songs for Hawkwind and possibly even The Blue Oyster cult.
Brian Moore Charisma-free ITV footy commentator with a classic chrome dome.
London Planetarium Tourist attraction, projects spots of light onto the inside of a hemisphere. Near Madame Tussaud's with a classic domed metallic roof! Gillingham FC have named their fanzine "Brian Moore's head looks uncannily like London Planetarium" in honour of one of their most famous fans (which in 2006 gave up on the paper world and went online.
Roger Dean Culprit for the fantasy art on many Yes Albums. You know all those appalling prog rock concept albums you find for 99p in shops, with pictures of robots on horseback and suchlike? Chances are that Roger Dean painted it.
Cadbury's Flake Only the crumbiest, flakiest chocolate, tastes like chocolate never tasted before. Yeah. Used to have ads [still used!] in which attractive totty unwrapped and sucked flakes in a fashion that was sexually explicit.



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