Half Man Half Biscuit Half Hearted: D' Ye Ken Ted Moult [ACD]

Half Man Half Biscuit Half Hearted

Ah yes. Why spend time typing up the lyrics to Half Man Half Biscuit songs? Because they are gems like no other. We celebrate British bands and artists for seminal musical works (think Bowie or Elvis Costello) and, unless you happen to know the late John Peel's inside leg measurement or you were enlightened as a student, the majesty, wit and sheer intelligence of the HMHB opus is ignored. Shame, shame, shame.

Over the years a number of web sites have recorded some lyrics and a multitude of research notes for the songs [see the excellent www.hmhb.co.uk]. The latter are invaluable to understanding the wide ranging and often obscure historical references. The former are a mixed bag, with only a few songs listed.

So what started out as a full hearted attempt by me to record the lyrics so my sister could understand the songs has developed into a blog post and a project to educate the half-hearted masses and to provide a definitive song list with lyrics.

They'll be other crap on here too such as my own songs "Progressive Dads", "People called Wilson", "Blog-proof iPod", "Armchair Expert" and "Holistically Challenged"- I need to finish writing them first :)

"...Baby I'm from the Wirral Peninsula.
A merciless despot with nothing to lose"

Monkey Man, June 2007

Please note that all lyrics are mostly my interpretation and are presented here to assist you in understanding the songs. They are the copyright of others.

You should also pay a visit to www.chrisrand.com/hmhb/ for HMHB lyrics - a superb site with a superb range of listings

Friday, 26 October 2007

D' Ye Ken Ted Moult [ACD]

Our Ted it has to be said produces proof beyond us
Rain, shine or gale force nine his frames remain intact
Helicopters in my garden bringing wind (I beg your pardon)
Double glazing is amazing, don't you all agree?

No fears, they’ll last you for years - our statistics prove it
And you'll pose as everyone knows its you who sets the pace
On the cold and frosty mornings scoff and howl at Yuletide warnings
Insulation for the nation, that's the one for me

No draft ‘cos that’d be daft, a feather acknowledges Newton
And a ball and chain let loose on the pane can only smash your nerves
In the hibernating season pick the best, it stands to reason
No complaining when it’s raining, thanks to Mr Moult (wahey)

Notes taken from www.hmhb.co.uk

Title from the Yorkshire song "D'Ye Ken John Peel", who I believe was a famous huntsman of yesteryear. There's a film of this title from 1934, starring John Garrick. John Peel is of course also the name by which John Ravenscroft (world's most wonderful human being and probably the only person ever to play HMHB on Radio 1. Apart from Mark Radcliffe. Oh, and Johnnie Walker) is better known, but that's irrelevant. Peelie is unfortunately a Liverpool fan.
Ted Moult Former "Brain of Britain" and double glazing advertiser. Appeared on "The Archers"; became a farmer.
[Sir Isaac] Newton Physicist, mathematician, hit on head with apple.
helicopters, ball and chain, feather and no draught Everest double glazing imagery, as advertised by Ted.

Half Man Half Biscuit
Half Hearted