Half Man Half Biscuit Half Hearted

Half Man Half Biscuit Half Hearted

Ah yes. Why spend time typing up the lyrics to Half Man Half Biscuit songs? Because they are gems like no other. We celebrate British bands and artists for seminal musical works (think Bowie or Elvis Costello) and, unless you happen to know the late John Peel's inside leg measurement or you were enlightened as a student, the majesty, wit and sheer intelligence of the HMHB opus is ignored. Shame, shame, shame.


Over the years a number of web sites have recorded some lyrics and a multitude of research notes for the songs [see the excellent www.hmhb.co.uk]. The latter are invaluable to understanding the wide ranging and often obscure historical references. The former are a mixed bag, with only a few songs listed.


So what started out as a full hearted attempt by me to record the lyrics so my sister could understand the songs has developed into a blog post and a project to educate the half-hearted masses and to provide a definitive song list with lyrics.

They'll be other crap on here too such as my own songs "Progressive Dads", "People called Wilson", "Blog-proof iPod", "Armchair Expert" and "Holistically Challenged"- I need to finish writing them first :)

"...Baby I'm from the Wirral Peninsula.
A merciless despot with nothing to lose"

Monkey Man, June 2007

Please note that all lyrics are mostly my interpretation and are presented here to assist you in understanding the songs. They are the copyright of others.

You should also pay a visit to www.chrisrand.com/hmhb/ for HMHB lyrics - a superb site with a superb range of listings

Saturday 6 October 2007

99% Of Gargoyles Look Like Bob Todd [Back in the D.H.S.S.]

Jesus Christ come on down!

If you ever wondered how
You get triangles from a cow
You need butter, milk and cheese
And an equilateral chainsaw

In debt I owe someone a fiver
Maybe I should try my hand at drag
James Dean was just a careless driver
And Marilyn Monroe was just a slag

99% Of Gargoyles Look Like Bob Todd (x4)

Mary had a little lamb, the doctors were astounded
Everywhere she went gynaecologists surrounded

They’ve been cooking on Blue Peter
Now they’re sampling the dishes
“I don’t normally like tomatoes John
But this delicious”

99% Of Gargoyles Look Like Bob Todd (x4)

Take me home

The son of Jimmy Clitheroe is shouting out
“Where’s my fiorucci?”

Now the Krona rumour spread but they didn’t tell the bread
Did you honestly think that they would?
And if 8 out of 10 cats all prefer Whiskas
Do the other two prefer Lesley Judd?

99% Of Gargoyles Look Like Bob Todd (x4)


Notes taken from www.hmhb.co.uk

The song gets a mention in "Funny Peculiar - The True Story of Benny Hill&quor; by Mark Lewisohn.
Jesus Christ Right arm, over the wicket.
Bob Todd One of the two ugly blokes on the "Benny Hill Show", the one who didn't receive punishment.
James Dean, Marilyn Monroe Hollywood actor/actress of shortened lifespans.
Jimmy Clitheroe comedian, perennial naughty-schoolboy, died on teh day of his mother's cremation.
"If you've ever wondered how you get triangles from a cow" refers to the Dairylea soft cheese adverts. Pedantic note: they aren't even triangles.
Fiorucci Expensive and once trendy brand of Italian clothing.
Krona Unilever's idea of a replacement for butter and margarine. Remember those 'Danish margarine history' ads from years back? They were all a lie, Krona was first launched in Germany, apparently.
John [Noakes], Lesley Judd "Blue Peter" kids TV program presenters of 70's. Lesley Judd also did Whiskas adverts.
Whiskas was the name of the Blue Peter cat, as well as being a brand of cat food. "8 out of 10 owners who expressed a preference chose Whiskas..." Like, the owners ate Whiskas too?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Lesley Judd advertised Kitekat not Whiskas.

thus "do the other two prefer Lesley Judd?"