Half Man Half Biscuit Half Hearted

Half Man Half Biscuit Half Hearted

Ah yes. Why spend time typing up the lyrics to Half Man Half Biscuit songs? Because they are gems like no other. We celebrate British bands and artists for seminal musical works (think Bowie or Elvis Costello) and, unless you happen to know the late John Peel's inside leg measurement or you were enlightened as a student, the majesty, wit and sheer intelligence of the HMHB opus is ignored. Shame, shame, shame.


Over the years a number of web sites have recorded some lyrics and a multitude of research notes for the songs [see the excellent www.hmhb.co.uk]. The latter are invaluable to understanding the wide ranging and often obscure historical references. The former are a mixed bag, with only a few songs listed.


So what started out as a full hearted attempt by me to record the lyrics so my sister could understand the songs has developed into a blog post and a project to educate the half-hearted masses and to provide a definitive song list with lyrics.

They'll be other crap on here too such as my own songs "Progressive Dads", "People called Wilson", "Blog-proof iPod", "Armchair Expert" and "Holistically Challenged"- I need to finish writing them first :)

"...Baby I'm from the Wirral Peninsula.
A merciless despot with nothing to lose"

Monkey Man, June 2007

Please note that all lyrics are mostly my interpretation and are presented here to assist you in understanding the songs. They are the copyright of others.

You should also pay a visit to www.chrisrand.com/hmhb/ for HMHB lyrics - a superb site with a superb range of listings

Wednesday 20 June 2007

Tending the Wrong Grave for 23 Years [Saucy Haulage Ballads]

A mistake has been made it's a fact they can't hide
Though I'm partly to blame it can not be denied
There ain't no use defending it seems I 've been
Tending the wrong grave for 23 years

A letter dropped on to my doormat one day
And I thought I'll ignore that it might go away
And I took up my shears to the place tha for years
I presumed my sweet darling had lain

Curse those in charge of plots
Curse these forget-me-nots
I've been sharing my inner-most thoughts with an Edward McGray
I'm inconsolable and at times uncontrollable
Ah but she wouldn't know because she's two hundred meters away
Let's complain

On my long weary journey back home I took the less frequented path and
Ended up in the Meadow of Consolation
It was a magical place
I half expected a nymph to appear
Shyly from out of the brake
Some not unexpected sheep from the brushwood
And me dressed as a Dandy in practice for the Summer Eights
Even the glebe cow started to drool
But then almost inevitably Claire Rayner appeared

I'm............
Numb from the sting that I've been tending
The wrong grave for 23 years
I walked up in autumn I ran up in spring
To the wrong grave for 23 years
Oh ding-aling-aling
Now ain't that a thing
The wrong grave for 23 years
The wrong grave for 23 years
The wrong grave for 23 years

And now the notes taken from www.hmhb.co.uk

glebe cow Cow put out to pasture on church land for the vicar. This is a reference to a Thomas Hardy (yes, him again) WW1 poem, Channel Firing
Summer Eights Rowing, university boat-race style.
Claire Rayner Jounalist, novelist, broadcaster and honorary associate of the National Secular Society. Perhaps "GMTV's agony aunt for the last 23 years" would be more descriptive.

Monkey Man adds:
Brake a thicket, or bracken

5 comments:

Sir Findo Gask said...

This was written after Nigel had heard about this story..

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/1897143.stm

EskimoEric said...

Thanks Sir Findo.

Unfortunately I can't hyperlink it so everyone else will have to copy and paste into their browser. Go on, it's not difficult or time consuming.

Anonymous said...

It's happened again. This time in Staffs. This time the church the family thought it was the wrong grave, so the church dug it up to prove them wrong.

http://tinyurl.com/wrong-grave

Anonymous said...

"wit and sheer intelligence". Indeed, hmhb lyrics are among the few that demand the intention of the poetry-lover, among with Bob Dylan's and Mark E. Smith's.

By the way, has anyone else noticed the echoes of John Betjeman?

Smooth down the Avenue glitters the bicycle,
Black-stockinged legs under navy blue serge,
Home and Colonial, Star, International,
Balancing bicycle leant on the verge.

or the famous

Come, friendly bombs, and fall on Slough.
It isn't fit for humans now.

These could be by hmhb. If Betjeman had been born 60 years later and taken up the guitar ... Come to think of it, he did make a record with some rock people.

WilcoxAJ

EskimoEric said...

Ha! Betjeman gigging with the Biscuits: what a thought.