Half Man Half Biscuit Half Hearted

Half Man Half Biscuit Half Hearted

Ah yes. Why spend time typing up the lyrics to Half Man Half Biscuit songs? Because they are gems like no other. We celebrate British bands and artists for seminal musical works (think Bowie or Elvis Costello) and, unless you happen to know the late John Peel's inside leg measurement or you were enlightened as a student, the majesty, wit and sheer intelligence of the HMHB opus is ignored. Shame, shame, shame.


Over the years a number of web sites have recorded some lyrics and a multitude of research notes for the songs [see the excellent www.hmhb.co.uk]. The latter are invaluable to understanding the wide ranging and often obscure historical references. The former are a mixed bag, with only a few songs listed.


So what started out as a full hearted attempt by me to record the lyrics so my sister could understand the songs has developed into a blog post and a project to educate the half-hearted masses and to provide a definitive song list with lyrics.

They'll be other crap on here too such as my own songs "Progressive Dads", "People called Wilson", "Blog-proof iPod", "Armchair Expert" and "Holistically Challenged"- I need to finish writing them first :)

"...Baby I'm from the Wirral Peninsula.
A merciless despot with nothing to lose"

Monkey Man, June 2007

Please note that all lyrics are mostly my interpretation and are presented here to assist you in understanding the songs. They are the copyright of others.

You should also pay a visit to www.chrisrand.com/hmhb/ for HMHB lyrics - a superb site with a superb range of listings

Wednesday 20 June 2007

Asparagus Next Left [Achtung Bono]

We’ve just been performing a guerrilla gig
In the middle of another group’s guerrilla gig
Well surely that’s the ultimate guerrilla gig
But still they cried like girls

Road signs on our country lanes
May not be what they seem
Asparagus next left
Who says
I’ve been upstream

Going down there for plum tomatoes
That’s not a good idea
For horse manure 200 yards
Read bottomless perdition

When the club versus country dispute arose
Small children were trampled in the exodus
We all knew someone at primary school
Who had a very powerful magnet

This way for new potatoes
An arrow points innocently
Dirt track to a darker place
That’s what it says to me

Last chance for hanging baskets
They’re even giving you clues
Fresh broad beans and aubergines
Eupemisms Audrey euphemisms

Whatever happened to the plumbers van
The humble amateur transit van
Vans have become ridiculous
With their strategies and logistics

Vere left for marmalade
I don’t think so Joe
And why are tractors turning
We really ought to know

So stay alert on the minor roads
Remember Phyllis Triggs
Ooh rhubarb let’s go
She’s still not been accounted for


Monkey Man adds:

Anyone know who Phylis Triggs was?



2 comments:

clarrie said...

'Four Horseman your 200 yards'

'For 'Horse manure: 200 yards' seems more likely I'd have thought, given the rest of the song?

Don't know who Phyliss Triggs is, sorry.

(Always thought it might be 'remember Phylis, TRICKS!')

EskimoEric said...

Thanks Clarrie. That makes so much more sense! Originally I kept thinking four horsemen of the apocalypse and tied that into "perdition" on the next line. I never could shake that.

MM.