Half Man Half Biscuit Half Hearted: Rod Hull Is Alive

Half Man Half Biscuit Half Hearted

Ah yes. Why spend time typing up the lyrics to Half Man Half Biscuit songs? Because they are gems like no other. We celebrate British bands and artists for seminal musical works (think Bowie or Elvis Costello) and, unless you happen to know the late John Peel's inside leg measurement or you were enlightened as a student, the majesty, wit and sheer intelligence of the HMHB opus is ignored. Shame, shame, shame.

Over the years a number of web sites have recorded some lyrics and a multitude of research notes for the songs [see the excellent www.hmhb.co.uk]. The latter are invaluable to understanding the wide ranging and often obscure historical references. The former are a mixed bag, with only a few songs listed.

So what started out as a full hearted attempt by me to record the lyrics so my sister could understand the songs has developed into a blog post and a project to educate the half-hearted masses and to provide a definitive song list with lyrics.

They'll be other crap on here too such as my own songs "Progressive Dads", "People called Wilson", "Blog-proof iPod", "Armchair Expert" and "Holistically Challenged"- I need to finish writing them first :)

"...Baby I'm from the Wirral Peninsula.
A merciless despot with nothing to lose"

Monkey Man, June 2007

Please note that all lyrics are mostly my interpretation and are presented here to assist you in understanding the songs. They are the copyright of others.

You should also pay a visit to www.chrisrand.com/hmhb/ for HMHB lyrics - a superb site with a superb range of listings

Tuesday, 18 March 2008

Rod Hull Is Alive - Why? [ACD]

A doyen of topiary once told me
That one day he would like to grow a maze
It seemed to be quite logical that this should be his wish
And with that we both went our separate ways

They said you died at seven due to something in your head
I asked the sister why it wasn’t someone else instead
Tonight I’ll cry myself a bath of tears and ask the world
Why is Rod Hull alive and getting paid as well?

Heard a Palace spokesman mention ‘Sarah’
Said she’d known the groins of Jacques Laffite
She’s well prepared to be a standard-bearer
As pure as unproverbial driven sleet

Half way up the Wrekin with an empty flask of tea
A fog descends and takes away my visibility
Yet in this Helen Keller state I’d still quite like to know
Why is Rod Hull alive and getting paid as well?

And I wonder if they’ll bring back national service and the birch
And I wonder but I doubt if they will ever bring back the Watney Cup

Notes from www.hmhb.co.uk

Rod Hull TV personality with gimmick emu on his arm. He's a wretched Australian and has had the same act for 20 years. The amusement wore off over 19 years ago. This interview says it all...
Topiary The art of sculpting hedges into hens.
Sarah Duchess of York, professional ski-holidayer.
Jacques Laffite Formula 1 race driver 70's - 80's until a nasty leg-breaking accident in '86. Now back in touring cars etc. NB Sarah Ferguson lived for two years with former racing driver Paddy McNally before shacking up with Prince Andy, but this doesn't rhyme with sleet! McNally who was one of the people responsible for Marlboro sponsorship deals. For real F1 Fornication just look at the later affairs of Jacky Ickx.
Helen Keller Deaf, blind, mute & religious. An R.E. teacher's dream.
The Wrekin Shropshire hill.
national service the draft, for our American colleagues. However, we didn't have the benefit of Vietnam and most NS conscripts ended up peeling potatoes at Catterick for two years.
the birch an excellent way of deterring young offenders on the Isle of Man.
Watney Cup Pointless pre-season footy trophy (won by Bristol Rovers in 1972). It featured the two top-scoring teams in each division who weren't promoted and who hadn't qualified for the European competitions.

Half Man Half Biscuit
Half Hearted