Half Man Half Biscuit Half Hearted: Arthur's Farm [ACD]

Half Man Half Biscuit Half Hearted

Ah yes. Why spend time typing up the lyrics to Half Man Half Biscuit songs? Because they are gems like no other. We celebrate British bands and artists for seminal musical works (think Bowie or Elvis Costello) and, unless you happen to know the late John Peel's inside leg measurement or you were enlightened as a student, the majesty, wit and sheer intelligence of the HMHB opus is ignored. Shame, shame, shame.

Over the years a number of web sites have recorded some lyrics and a multitude of research notes for the songs [see the excellent www.hmhb.co.uk]. The latter are invaluable to understanding the wide ranging and often obscure historical references. The former are a mixed bag, with only a few songs listed.

So what started out as a full hearted attempt by me to record the lyrics so my sister could understand the songs has developed into a blog post and a project to educate the half-hearted masses and to provide a definitive song list with lyrics.

They'll be other crap on here too such as my own songs "Progressive Dads", "People called Wilson", "Blog-proof iPod", "Armchair Expert" and "Holistically Challenged"- I need to finish writing them first :)

"...Baby I'm from the Wirral Peninsula.
A merciless despot with nothing to lose"

Monkey Man, June 2007

Please note that all lyrics are mostly my interpretation and are presented here to assist you in understanding the songs. They are the copyright of others.

You should also pay a visit to www.chrisrand.com/hmhb/ for HMHB lyrics - a superb site with a superb range of listings

Tuesday, 18 March 2008

Arthur's Farm [ACD]

Arthur Askey and Dougie Buggy Bader
Went down to the Animal Farm
Dougie bored a boar with his stories from the war
And explained about the boil on his palm
Napolean, wearing pink, offered both of them a drink
And a drink and a drink and a drink

Come the hour of four they were legless to be sure
And not one of them had even had a wink of sleep

And everybody sang as loud as they could
“Two legs bad but four legs good”
This made the boys feel pretty oppressed

Came the new realm, it was AA at the helm
While Douglas played Luftwaffe on the roofs
And they’re amputating limbs while the others wrote new hymns
And a signpost read “Second hand hooves”
Years passed by, guns were blazing in the sky
It was good but it was total apathy
Everybody arsed around and the Beasts Of England sound
Had been ruined by that busy, busy bee.

And chants were heard from the east to the west
“Four legs good but no legs best”

Invalidity reigns supreme
And chants were heard from the east to the west
“Four legs good but no legs best”
One time visitors were now the regime

Notes from www.hmhb.co.uk

Takes the mickey from "Animal Farm" Contains all the essential anti-totalitarianism of 1984, but is shorter and has animals in it :-)
Arthur Askey Wartime comic. Very unfunny comedian "I thank you", the f***ing song about the bee, and the like. Died gradually by having legs amputated one by one. God he was unfunny.
Douglas Bader Second World War British Fighter pilot who lost his legs in an accident in 193X but flew Hurricanes in the Battle of Britain. Later captured and ended up in Colditz after unsuccessful escape attempts. Oddly enough Pat Reid's otherwise excellent books don't mention whether the Germans used to confiscate his false legs if he tried to escape (they did, but only after about the tenth time).
"Four legs good but no legs best" From "Animal Farm" where the sheep continually chant "Two legs bad, four legs good".
Napoleon French leader and chief pig in "Animal Farm".
It's been offered from afar that the keyboard riff at the end is a touch "Eton Rifles"-ish. Not sure I agree, Ted...

Half Man Half Biscuit
Half Hearted