Half Man Half Biscuit Half Hearted

Half Man Half Biscuit Half Hearted

Ah yes. Why spend time typing up the lyrics to Half Man Half Biscuit songs? Because they are gems like no other. We celebrate British bands and artists for seminal musical works (think Bowie or Elvis Costello) and, unless you happen to know the late John Peel's inside leg measurement or you were enlightened as a student, the majesty, wit and sheer intelligence of the HMHB opus is ignored. Shame, shame, shame.


Over the years a number of web sites have recorded some lyrics and a multitude of research notes for the songs [see the excellent www.hmhb.co.uk]. The latter are invaluable to understanding the wide ranging and often obscure historical references. The former are a mixed bag, with only a few songs listed.

So what started out as a full hearted attempt by me to record the lyrics so my sister could understand the songs has developed into a blog post and a project to educate the half-hearted masses and to provide a definitive song list with lyrics.

They'll be other crap on here too such as my own songs "Progressive Dads", "People called Wilson", "Blog-proof iPod", "Armchair Expert" and "Holistically Challenged"- I need to finish writing them first :)

"...Baby I'm from the Wirral Peninsula.
A merciless despot with nothing to lose"

Monkey Man, June 2007

Please note that all lyrics are mostly my interpretation and are presented here to assist you in understanding the songs. They are the copyright of others.

You should also pay a visit to www.chrisrand.com/hmhb/ for HMHB lyrics - a superb site with a superb range of listings

Saturday, 6 October 2007

Fuckin' 'Ell It's Fred Titmus [Back in the D.H.S.S.]

Oh I was walking round my local store
I was searching for the ten pence off Lenor
When suddenly I bumped into this guy
On seeing who it was I gave a cry
“Fuckin’ ‘Ell, It’s Fred Titmus”

Oh Jane was pushing baby round the park
When all at once she saw her husband Mark
Well he was with a man down by the stream
So Jane and baby both began to scream
“Fuckin’ ‘Ell, It’s Fred Titmus”

Oh as the train pulled into platform three
I looked around for my best girl to see
As she disembarked I didn’t seem to care
Cos someone passed who made me stop and stare

Oh Dracula comes from Transylvania
Stevie nicks books about kleptomania
Johnny looks out of his bedroom window and
Shouted to his mum “Fred Titmus”

Notes taken from www.hmhb.co.uk

Lenor Fabric conditioner.
Fred Titmus England bowler and ex-England selector, slightly deficient in the toe department. Has played first class cricket in five decades (1949-82), probably unique, post-war.
Dracula Gary Oldman, I think.
Transylvania Gary's locale in L.A. Or perhaps it's in Romania….
Stevie Nicks Singer with Fleetwood Mac. Oh DIE you old hippy scum.
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2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I guess it might be "Stevie nicks books about kleptomania" for an extra chuckle ;) Thanks for writing it all together.

7 October 2008 at 13:41
Anonymous said...

Definitely "Stevie nicks..." it doesn't make sense otherwise.

Keep up the good work.

18 March 2009 at 11:31

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