Half Man Half Biscuit Half Hearted

Half Man Half Biscuit Half Hearted

Ah yes. Why spend time typing up the lyrics to Half Man Half Biscuit songs? Because they are gems like no other. We celebrate British bands and artists for seminal musical works (think Bowie or Elvis Costello) and, unless you happen to know the late John Peel's inside leg measurement or you were enlightened as a student, the majesty, wit and sheer intelligence of the HMHB opus is ignored. Shame, shame, shame.


Over the years a number of web sites have recorded some lyrics and a multitude of research notes for the songs [see the excellent www.hmhb.co.uk]. The latter are invaluable to understanding the wide ranging and often obscure historical references. The former are a mixed bag, with only a few songs listed.


So what started out as a full hearted attempt by me to record the lyrics so my sister could understand the songs has developed into a blog post and a project to educate the half-hearted masses and to provide a definitive song list with lyrics.

They'll be other crap on here too such as my own songs "Progressive Dads", "People called Wilson", "Blog-proof iPod", "Armchair Expert" and "Holistically Challenged"- I need to finish writing them first :)

"...Baby I'm from the Wirral Peninsula.
A merciless despot with nothing to lose"

Monkey Man, June 2007

Please note that all lyrics are mostly my interpretation and are presented here to assist you in understanding the songs. They are the copyright of others.

You should also pay a visit to www.chrisrand.com/hmhb/ for HMHB lyrics - a superb site with a superb range of listings

Saturday, 6 October 2007

Seal Clubbing [Back in the D.H.S.S.]

I was just sitting there eating a salmonella sandwich
When a man walked up to me
“Would you mind, dear sir, if I asked you a question –
If music be the food of love, are you the indigestion”

Found myself standing amongst a score or so of aging grans and granddads
When a frail voice asked of me
“Would you mind, dear boy, I just can’t stand all this tension
Please let me in front of you so I can cash my pension”

Frank was going through a state of depression in his bedroom
When he reached out for the jar
He swallowed every last pill and he lay back on his duvet
But a Haliborange overdose is perhaps not the right way
Ooh Ooh to kill yourself

Down beside the babbling brook I was trying to sketch myself a stallion
When the stallion said to me
“That’s the third biro that you’ve broken, all day I can not wait
You can lead a horse to water but a pencil must be lead, mate”
Ooh ooh said the stallion

Me and my girl sealclubbing
Me and my girl out on the ice
Me and my girl sealclubbing
Me and my girl, ooh how nice


Notes taken from www.hmhb.co.uk

Title takes piss from David Essex's Nightclubbing.
Haliborange Fish oil and orange vitamin pills.



1 comment:

Unknown said...

the lads from the cow sheds excelled on this one .seal clubbing epitomizes the wirral wit