Half Man Half Biscuit Half Hearted

Half Man Half Biscuit Half Hearted

Ah yes. Why spend time typing up the lyrics to Half Man Half Biscuit songs? Because they are gems like no other. We celebrate British bands and artists for seminal musical works (think Bowie or Elvis Costello) and, unless you happen to know the late John Peel's inside leg measurement or you were enlightened as a student, the majesty, wit and sheer intelligence of the HMHB opus is ignored. Shame, shame, shame.


Over the years a number of web sites have recorded some lyrics and a multitude of research notes for the songs [see the excellent www.hmhb.co.uk]. The latter are invaluable to understanding the wide ranging and often obscure historical references. The former are a mixed bag, with only a few songs listed.


So what started out as a full hearted attempt by me to record the lyrics so my sister could understand the songs has developed into a blog post and a project to educate the half-hearted masses and to provide a definitive song list with lyrics.

They'll be other crap on here too such as my own songs "Progressive Dads", "People called Wilson", "Blog-proof iPod", "Armchair Expert" and "Holistically Challenged"- I need to finish writing them first :)

"...Baby I'm from the Wirral Peninsula.
A merciless despot with nothing to lose"

Monkey Man, June 2007

Please note that all lyrics are mostly my interpretation and are presented here to assist you in understanding the songs. They are the copyright of others.

You should also pay a visit to www.chrisrand.com/hmhb/ for HMHB lyrics - a superb site with a superb range of listings

Tuesday, 18 March 2008

Carry On Cremating [ACD]

We’re hardly the fruit from a well-tended banana tree
We’re hardly the
Bayeux in rock’s rich tapestry
We were like two rubber ducks that passed each other in the bath
I can sound like Wally out of Crossroads, Kath

She threw an apple in my eye, cor blimey
Alex Haley was adopted, that’s what’s called a disappointment

When England won the world cup back in 1966
Wembley must have been a sea of smiles
Well, I think Kenneth Wolstenholme summed up the moment really well
When he said “Just look at Nobby Stiles”

She threw an apple in my eye, cor blimey
Alex Haley was adopted, that’s what’s called a disappointment

Oh they’re still cremating Hattie Jacques; I am not surprised
Come on now, let’s face it, she was fat
It usually takes for ever tryin’ to burn the grossly oversized
Who would ever want to look that that?
She had a face that could launch a thousand dredgers
I could never get her on my portable TV

She threw an apple in my eye, cor blimey
Alex Haley was adopted, that’s what’s called a disappointment

Notes from www.hmhb.co.uk

Taken from a Peel session (as are many on the CD). It was originally titled "The Continuous Cremation of Hattie Jacques."
Carry On Gerald Thomas is the Scorsese of British cinema. The Carry On films combine the philosophical insight of Kieslowski, the scope of Herzog, the intellectual rigour of Wenders and the character handling of Louis Malle.
Hattie Jacques Overweight star of "Carry On".
Bayeux Town in Normandy. Has tapestry depicting Norman conquest of England
Wally out of Crossroads Crossroads was a crap soap opera about a motel. Don't remember Wally. He was played by Max Wall.
Kath [Brownlow] Neice of the above Wally.
Alex Haley Author of "Roots", collaborated with Malcolm X. Nice reference to the fact that the book was really fictional!
Kenneth Wolstenholme Footy commentator 60's - present. World Cup Final 1966. I thought he was long-dead until he turned up hosting Channel 4's coverage of the Italian Serie A.
Nobby Stiles Man Utd & England, '66 World Cup, deficient in front teeth. Hard man. Oh, and his son John attempted to play for Leeds Utd.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

The "face that could launch a thousand dredgers" line was originally uttered by Jack DiManio, about Glenda Jackson.