Vatican Broadside [Editor's Recommendation]

The singer out of Slipknot went to Rome to see the Pope
The singer out of Slipknot went to Rome to see the Pope
The singer out of Slipknot went to Rome to see the Pope
And the Pope said to his aide

Who the fucking hell are Slipknot
Who the fucking hell are Slipknot
Who the fucking hell are Slipknot
In relation to me getting out of bed

Worried Man Blues [Editor's Recommendation]

It takes a worried man to sing the worried song
It takes a worried man to sing the worried song
I'm worried now but I won't be worried long

I went across the river and I lay down to sleep
I went across the river and I lay down to sleep
When I woke up there were shackles on my feet

Twenty nine links of chain around my feet
Twenty nine links of chain around my feet
And on each link an initial of my name

It takes a worried man to sing the worried song
It takes a worried man to sing the worried song
I'm worried now but I won't be worried long

I asked the judge what might be my time
I asked the judge what might be my time
Twenty years on the RC Mountain Line

The train came around sixteen coaches long
The train came around sixteen coaches long
The girl I love is on that train and gone

It takes a worried man to sing the worried song
It takes a worried man to sing the worried song
I'm worried now but I won't be worried long

Should anyone ask you who composed this song
Should anyone ask you who composed this song
Say it was I and I sing it all day long

It takes a worried man to sing the worried song
It takes a worried man to sing the worried song
I'm worried now but I won't be worried long
I'm worried now but I won't be worried long
I'm worried now but I won't be worried long

Lark Descending [Editor's Recommendation]

My hands are stained with thistle milk
And I can see what a fool I've been
My hands are stained with thistle milk
Look at the state it's got me in

Trying to be Mansfield's very own
Like to be Mansfield's very own
Steve Malkmus [x4]

The fire that burned inside of me
That sank rapidly into vacancy and chill
And now my hours of happiness
Are darkened by the thought they are passing towards nothing

Yeah that was me down at Camber Sands
Signing in to my chalet as
J Buckley [x3]
Unlikely

I should have just got a job on the bins
The pay's better and I know some hard blokes
And I wouldn't have to pretend
That I know what rethorical means

I could have been like Lou Barlow
But I'm more like Ken Barlow

And now the notes taken from www.hmhb.co.uk

The Lark Ascending is "a romance for violin and small orchestra" by Ralph Vaughan Williams (1872-1958). It can be heard to excellent effect under the opening titles to John Duigan's film 'The Year My Voice Broke' (1987). It's also a personal favourite of 'TV funnyman' Vic Reeves. More info here (ta Andrew Petrie).
"My hands are stained with thistle-milk" is also from Hardy's "Tess Of The D'Urbervilles", Phase the Third: The Rally, Chapter 4:
"She went stealthily as a cat through this profusion of growth, gathering cuckoo spittle on her skirt, cracking snails that were underfoot, staining her hands with thistle-milk and slug-slime, and rubbing off upon her naked arms sticky blights which, though snow white on the apple tree trunks, made madder stains on her skin." (thanks to Stuart Fairbrother).
Mansfield North of Nottingham, noted for a very average bitter and a football team whose Fall-loving fans are bigger than me.
Steve Malkmus Main Pavement man, now solo.
Camber Sands is a Pontins complex in East Sussex where Belle & Sebastian started up their 'Bowlie Festival' thing in '99.
J. Buckley i.e. Jeff, son of Tim, drowned in a tragic accident in 1997.
Lou Barlow One-third of Dinosaur Jr, more of Sebadoh, now with Folk Implosion. Comparisons with Nick Drake stand up, in my eyes.
Ken Barlow The most happening boring man this side of Rosamund St.

On Passing Lilac Urine [Editor's Recommendation]

Certain things have always been and ever more shall be
Walking down this country lane I’ll almost guarantee
North South East West 'twixt twelve and two
There’s a waterboard man in his waterboard van
Using up his hour in lieu

Don’t get too excited boy although it’s nearly spring
Because the serpent also hisses were the sweet birds do sing
Some say some day one of these fine nights
Councils going to ask Radiohead to switch off Blackpool lights

I’m Slim Shady the real Slim Shady the other Slim Shady has gone to play tennis

I keep well away from places were they tend to wear
Glasses I am certain they don’t really need to wear
Feng Shui okay grab the DVD
Keep it upstairs ‘til the bailiff’s been and I’ll make herbal tea

And now the notes from www.hmhb.co.uk

“the serpent also hisses were the sweet birds do sing” – a quote from Thomas Hardy’s Tess of the D’Urbervilles.

Monkey Man adds:

Feng Shui a far eastern thinking that means all your furniture has to go in a particular configuration or your karma will be out of kilter and you'll die watching tv. I'm kidding of course as I'm sure Feng shui does not allow tv's in the first place.

Slim Shady direct take on Enimem's rap riff from the eponymous song

Bob Wilson, Anchorman [Editor's Recommendation]

Lord I’ve tried the best I can
I’ve asked everybody in Kazakhstan
But I still don’t understand
Bob Wilson, anchorman

I’ve been to Kent, Gwent and Senegal
I even went to look for Jim Rosenthal
I found him on his knees at the Wailing Wall crying
Bob Wilson, anchorman

Well I marvel at the things we find beneath the ground
That man can go faster than the speed of sound
But I still can’t get my head around
Bob Wilson, anchorman

I’m cold and I’m hungry and I’m in Dundalk
I’ve got no bus fare and I’ve got to walk
It’s raining soup and I’ve got a fork
Where be my Camper Van?

Well I’d like to meet Stephenson the Engineer
And I’d like to meet Faraday and buy him a beer
And I’d love to meet the bloke who had the bright idea of
Bob Wilson, anchorman

Monkey Man adds:

Bob Wilson – Ex Arsenal goalkeeper and TV pundit. Sometimes filled in to present when all the good ones where on holiday or ill.

Jim Rosenthal – He of ITV Sport fame (F1 coverage before Steve Rider jumped ship from BBC) and Jewish, hence the Wailing Wall reference. Clever that.

New York Skiffle [Editor's Recommendation]

I’m the vendor of quack nostrums born in a Kansas shack
I came down to Greenwich Village with a tea chest on my back
I danced a while for Andy and crashed his Cadillac
Now I’m just waiting for my ban

Chorus

Oh does your
Heroin lose its glamour on the washboard overnight?
When your mother says don’t do it
Do you crank it up in spite?
Do you rob your brother’s Giro?
Do you talk a load of shite?
Does you Heroin lose its glamour on the washboard overnight?

I’ve drank too much black coffee read too much Wilbur Rose
I’ve been a He and been a She and maybe and who knows
I’ve had the cee-bee jeebies I’ve ??????? way up state
So don’t you rock me Daddio!