Album: McIntyre, Treadmore and Davitt

Song list:

Outbreak Of Vitus Gerulaitis
Prag Vec At The Melkweg
Christian Rock Concert
Lets Not
Yipps (My baby Got The)
Hedley Verityesque
A Lilac Harry Quinn
Our Tune
Girlfriend's Finished With Him
Everything's A.O.R.

Everything's A.O.R. [McIntyre, Treadmore and Davitt]

Bubble perm
Ever since your bubble perm
I've gone ex-directory
just in case you need me

Swivelchair
In your leather swivelchair
You can turn your back on me
Leave me in the out-tray

She's the main man in
the office in the city
And she treats me like I'm just another lackey
But I can put a tennis racket up against my face
And pretend that I'm Kendo Nagasaki

Executive
think you're all executive
But I could still upset you with
Milligan and Nesbit

Acumen
Loads of business acumen
But can you remember when
You would die for Flintlock

Mary oh Mary
Quite ordinary
Tell me how does your CD collection grow
With Sade and Whitney
Van Dross and TPau
Everything's AOR

She's the main man in the office in the city
And she treats me like I'm just another lackey
But I can put a tennis racket up against my face
And pretend that I'm Kendo Nagasaki

She's the main man in the office in the city
I remember her when she was reading Jackie
And I can put a tennis racket up against my face
And pretend that I'm Kendo Nagasaki

Notes taken from www.hmhb.co.uk

Kendo Nagasaki Pseudo-Japanese wrestler. Always wears a mask, probably to remain anonymous and thus never have to retire.
Millican & Nesbit 1970's two hit wonders. The Singing Miners. I kid you not. Won Opportunity Knocks for about nineteen decades running, probably because they were bribing Hughie Green. Sung sentimental songs about dead miners, pit disasters etc. and were thoroughly appalling.
Flintlock Another awful seventies teenage lust band, one hit, "Dawn" in 1976. A sort of toned-down Bay City Rollers. Really. The drummer out of Flintlock became one of the original Tomorrow People which shows you just how good they really are.
Sade, Whitney (Houston), (Luther) Vandross, T'Pau All too AOR (Adult-orientated rock for the uninitiated)
Jackie Mag for teeny girlies. I think it's a D C Thompson job. No mention of zits, tampax or boys in it.

Girlfriend's Finished With Him [McIntyre, Treadmore and Davitt]

The difference between us and all the other bands
Is that we're different
You can tell by the way we do our interviews
That we are different

Underneath the underlying tones and dizzy melodies
Next to the intelligent guitars
You'll find frailty, beauty,
sex as art and something
or other about dolphins

Parlourmaids, dandelions things ' bout my mind
And a dead girl's soul that lives inside me
And we don't really know what it's meant to be
But it's an absolute depth of intensity
But at the end of the night
when the rider has been ridden
We claim our fee and we get back in the van again

Inspired by no one other groups bore us
How can you say we sound like Frasier Chorus
Cos at the end of the night you claim your poke
You get back in to the Vim Van Hanegan

A Rock-a-Billy Jim from the pub quiz team
Told me something more interesting than your songs ever could

Telly Savalas is set to spearhead
An 'Oi' revival down Whitechapel Way
Telly Savalas is set to spearhead
An ‘Oi' revival down Whitechapel Way

Alt Television is set to spearhead
An ‘Oi' revival down Whitechapel Way

Who loves yer Costermonger?

Notes taken from www.hmhb.co.uk

The Frazier Chorus British pop band, '89-'91-ish. "Dream Kitchen" was probably their 'best' known song
Wim Van Hanegem Dutch footballer
Telly Savalas Baldy actor, Kojak catchphrase "Who love's ya, baby" Should be remembered for playing the platoon sergeant in almost every sixties war film, not Kojak [if you are a sad film buff - PJF]. Oh and he also did a terrible rendition of "If (a picture paints a thousand words)".
Oi! revival Oi! was 80's skinhead music with unsavoury reputation for racism
costermongers Can be found in Whitechapel. Apparently relates to a bald Liverpool market trader (i.e. a costermonger). I believe he was quite well-known in his time, but may have retired/moved/died by now.

Our Tune [McIntyre, Treadmore and Davitt]

Said you'd find me helpless on the A47
Shouting at the passers-by that Alan Brazil
Seems to be the singer in The Goombay Dance Band
And now you want to put me in the ambulance
But I don't want to go in the ambulance

I asked if you would like to go along to
see The Rocky Horror Picture Show
You said you'd love to so I murdered your family
Cause I hate The Rocky Horror Picture Show
And besides I'm going browsing round hardware shops

You'll find me dying casually on the 14th fairway
Trying in vain to wave a fore ball through
I'll understand if you shouldwalk straight past me
Ideally though I hope you call an ambulance

Unless of course you're
Sampling Alessi at St. Neots
Or chasing Bunty James round Hilton Park
Oh Oh Lori at St. Neots
Is this me or is this Dead Shot Keen?

Hello this is Joanie
This plectrum once belonged to you know who
Grocer Jack Grocer Jack
Get off your back go into town

Notes taken from www.hmhb.co.uk

Our Tune was a stomach churning spot on Radio 1, Simon Bates' programme. Now not there. Boo hoo. "and the baby died. So let's play The Power Of Love..."
A47 Road that runs from Leicester to Great Yarmouth, passing by/through such East Anglian delights as Wisbech, Kings Lynn, Swaffham and Norwich. As well as bloody Peterborough United.
Alan Brazil Ex Ipswich, Spurs & Man. Utd. striker. Appears in slightly more portly guise these days on Sky Sports.
Rocky Horror Picture Show Musical film/play about transvestite aliens by Richard O'Brien, who went on to do C4 Crystal maze.
Goombay Dance Band Had a no1 disco hit with "Seven Tears". Utter crap.
"Sampling Alessi in St. Neots" Alessi were a US pop duo (twins). St. Neots is a town in Cambridgeshire, where Greene King apparently have a monopoly on the pubs. Scary.
Bunty James One of the presenters of "How!" Not as useless as Fred Dinenage, not as old as Jack Hargreaves (RIP!), and not as dull as the guy who was professor of mechanical engineering at Southampton University whose name I can't remember (Jon Miller, actually). I can't forgive them for bringing HOW back.
Hilton Park M6 Service station or perhaps Leigh Rugby League ground.
"Oh Oh Lori in St. Neots" Oh Lori was a/the Alessi hit.
Dead-Shot Keen Striker from a footy comic, owner of quality footwear.
"Hello, This is Joanie" From a song by Paul Evans in 1978, title the same with "(The Telephone Answering Machine Song)" at the end. It must be American if they need to have it explained that it is an answering machine.
Grocer Jack From a 60s song called "Excerpt from a Teenage Opera" by Keith West.

A Lilac Harry Quinn [McIntyre, Treadmore and Davitt]

In this sumptuous hacienda
Where I weigh things up
As they're on the way down
From beneath your Reverend Jim Jones bedspread
I watch the angels look down onto your sweet brow

If God had meant for us to work
Then I'm sure he would've given us jobs
Six weeks to live but at least
I'm not in Journey
Sign on you crazy diamond

It didn't take much time convincing her
"Baby I'm from the Wirral Peninsula
A merciless despot with nothing to lose
In my Dick Quax running shoes"

Underneath the shade of the average tree where
They handed out mediocrity
I saw you with Alchemy under your arm
Standing in the middle of a long queue

I saw the Goodyear Airship sail over your head
I saw the joke I told you fly over your head

Why don't they have any Badminton Courts in the jungle?
Because there isn't the demand
Oh let me take you by the hand

Sturmey-Archer Capagnolo
Sturmey-Archer Capagnolo
on my mind

Notes taken from www.hmhb.co.uk Harry Quinn A type of bike. HQ had a cycle shop in Liverpool (Harry Quinn Cycles, strangely enough). Reverend Jim Jones was leader of the religious cult whose members (977 of them) committed mass suicide in Guyana in about 1979. They all died at Jonestown. Journey Why don't these MOR bands ever get run over by a big lorry? "Sign on you Crazy Diamond" Pink Floyd reference. Wirral Peninsula The posh bit next to Liverpool, separated by the Mersey. Well, as posh as it gets around there. HMHB come from there. Alchemy Dire Straits double live album. Goodyear airship duuuh, an... airship... with.... Goodyear written on it. Presumably if people see an airship in the sky they will buy more tyres. Or something like that. The average tree A line from Waltzing Matilda goes "Underneath the shade of the coolibah tree" Maybe something more specific. Dick Quax Mid 70's New Zealand middle distance runner. 5000m silver medal at 1976 Olympics, set world records at distances from 1500m to the marathon. Sturmey-Archer el-cheapo British three-speed [also 5] hub bike gears as found on sit-up-and-beg Raleighs and the like. Also the likes of the Chopper and Grifter. They are neat bits of engineering, but all of the cogs in the hub make them a bit inefficient. They are safer than external (derailleur) gears as you can't wrap the hub around your spokes. Campagnolo Italian bicycle components, built like a Ferrari gearbox, and dead expensive. Kids with Campagnolos were richer than kids with Sturmey Archers. The rear axle of my spare wheel is a 7-speed Campagnolo Corsa Record. My only claim to having a top of the range component on my bike (and even then, only when I'm using my spare wheel). I try to avoid Shimano, but it isn't easy.

Hedley Verityesque [McIntyre, Treadmore and Davitt]

Found a nice little cove where nobody else goes
Took a trip 'round the caves at Drac and said
"It's good to explore the more cultural aspects"

Hedley Verityesque
she passed into folklore
Trod on lines in the pavement and said
"There's no room for enigmas in built up areas"

Sweats who think they're hard
My head no end do in

Brakes fail in the rain
Down Memory Lane
Come relive my paper round with me

But I don't see any more
pent up Alsatians
They used to wait by the door and say
"It's nice to know you're here
It's nice to know you're here"

But I don't want anymore
stark German film noirs
And I could well do without
The hand-clapping sequence at the end of Blockbusters

You were in my hall
Now you're on my wall
Peter Sarstedt Mr Irony
Get in the hole
In some warm lagoon
I'll be with Aysha soon
Brakes fail in the rain

Down Memory Lane
Come relive my paper round with me
But I don't see any more
big mad Alsatians
They used to wait by the door and sing
"It's nice to know you're here
It's nice to know you're here"

And I don't need any more stark German film noirs
And I could well do without
The hand-clapping sequence at the end of Blockbusters
Where all of the audience try to convince themselves that what
they are doing is silly but acceptable
and the only thing I can say is
"Oh Kip Keino"

Notes taken from www.hmhb.co.uk

Hedley Verity Yorkshire left-arm spinner, died in the Second World War. Famed for the least expensive ten wicket analysis in first-class cricket against Notts in 1932: 19.4-16-10-10, ending the innings with 7 wickets in 15 balls. So now you know. He also took 144 wickets for England at around 24 apiece.
Caves of Drac Caves on the east coast of Majorca, away from the mass of pissed teenagers on heat.
"Sweats who think they're hard, my head no end do in" Sweats being cockney rhyming slang for Scots persons (sweats = sweaty socks = jocks). Many of who think a good night out consists of drinking 2 gallons of beer until 3am and then getting into a brawl. Except those from Edinburgh of course.
pent-up alsatians… often found on the sort of council estates that look like Beirut with Morris Marinas. You know the sort of places, all the men are wandering around with four-packs of cheap lager wearing their vests, the women are all no tights, cellulite and white stilettos, kids with crew cuts and a satellite dish on every house. AAAAAAArgh.
…who sing "It's nice to know you're here…"another footy song, sung by home fans to the away fans: "It's nice to know you're 'ere, it's nice to know you're 'ere, it's nice to know you're 'ere, F*CK OFF!", to the tune of "On Ilkley Moor bar t'at".
stark German film noirs Not enough of them on the telly, I think. [Well, maybe too many - PJF]
Blockbusters Schoolkids quiz show "Can we have a pee Bob?"
Peter Sarstedt 60's (maybe 70's) singer of the dreadful "Where do you go to my lovely" Only other hit was "Frozen Orange Juice", the follow-up. And pseudo-sophisticated drivel "I want to get inside your head". I can't bear to say any more apart from the fact that I think he's still alive. Robin Sarstedt ("My Resistance is Low") was his brother, as was Eden Kane.
Ayshea [Brough] An Anglo-Asian woman who had her own TV show on ITV at 4.20 one week-day in the 70's called "Lift Off With Ayshea". It was basically a pop programme.
Kip Keino A long distance runner from Kenya in the 70's. His son is a bit of a star runner these days.

Let's Not [McIntyre, Dreadmore and Davitt]

Me and my motor neurone
We just want to be on our own
Without Ian ‘Sludge' Lees

Let's not go out tonight
There's a great film on tonight
About a couple on a caravan holiday
With Peter Grummitas an acid casualty
It's set in Norfolk and it's called
"Godzilla eats Diss"

Don't know much about the Highway Code
And I've never read 'On The Road'
I don't read I just memorise names
So I can stagger through bohemian games

And I'm going nowhere really slow
The last man who went to mow- oh

Come on into my world
Where everything is done without Carla Lane
Come into my world where Vanburn Holder
joins a local grindcore outfit

All my dreams are nondescript
In nothing-much-next-to-sea
I saw Jesus but he didn't see me
If looks could kill I'd be alright
Oh let there be light

Come on into my world
Where everything is done without Carla Lane
Come on into my world
Where Vanburn Holder
joins a local grindcore outfit

Come on into my world (x4)

Where Vanburn Holder
joins a local grindcore outfit
Where everything is done without Carla Lane
A world in which Grant Baynham
burns in front of his children

Come on into my world
Come on into my world

Where everything is done without Carta Lane

Come on into my world
Where Vanburn Holder joins
a local grindcore outfit

Notes taken from www.hmhb.co.uk

motor neurone as immortalized in Motor Neurone Disease which is what killed David Niven you know!
Ian "Sludge" Lees A terrible comic who appeared on "Tiswas" several times, with huge Afro hairdo.
Peter Grummit Well travelled 70's goalie, played for Sheff Wed and Grimsby Town amongst others.
Diss Norfolk town (on the A47, no less). Their footy team won the FA Vase in the not-too-distant past.
Highway Code a wish-fulfilment statement by the Department of Transport.
On The Road Hip novel about taking drugs and driving around the USA in the 50's, by Jack Kerouac.
"... man who went to mow" from nursery rhyme/song "One man and his dog".
Carla Lane Once upon a time a housewife from Liverpool started writing sit-coms. She wrote The Liver Birds, which was patchy but had its moments (see I Hate Nerys Hughes). She wrote Butterflies which was drippy but quite funny. Then she wrote sentimental and unfunny todge like Solo, Screaming, The Mistress and particularly the appallingly unfunny Bread and the frankly shite Luv.
Vanburn Holder Mid-70's West Indian medium-fast bowler, now an umpire.
Grant Baynham Bespectacled presenter of That's Life for 4 years.
Nothing-much-next-the-Sea Play on Wells-next-the-sea, Clay-next-the-sea, Norfolk seaside resorts. Probably highly descriptive of the places.

Christian Rock Concert [McIntyre, Treadmore and Davitt]

And at the post-fest lig I saw
Ten thousand people maybe more
I said that I was from Kerrang
I steamed into the throng and sang

Get thee behind me Stryper
I've played your records backwards
I've seen your antics in the Green Room

Into the main marquee I walked
The coke was coke
and the tongue was forked
the Rural Dean lay inert
In his John 3:16 tee-shirt

Get thee behind me Stryper
I've played your records backwards
I've seen your antics in the Green Room

The body of Shane Fenton
is in the laundry chute of the
New Ambassadors Hotel
near Euston Station

Get thee behind me Stryper
I've played your records backwards
I've seen your antics in the Green Room

Then after the fire we're a mess on the floor
Drunk in a tented village
The Grand Leviathan of the white wedding scene
Drunk in a tented village
Wendy Wimbush on a Space Hopper was
Drunk in a tented village

All things bright and beautiful
We're drunk in a tented village

Notes from www.hmhb.co.uk ...I saw, 10,000 people maybe more... :from Sounds of Silence, Simon & Garfunkel, some of their earlier songs had religious overtones. Kerrang! Magazine for those who think Ozzy Osborne is an intellectual. Stryper A god squad rock band "Her rural Dean lay inert, in his John 3:16 T-Shirt" Rural Dean Clergyman exercising supervision over group of parochial clergy within division of archdeaconry, apparently due thanks to COD); John 3:16 One of the most famous verses of the bible. If you ever watch ski-ing, or bobsleighing from European snow, you ALWAYS see people wearing them, often banners at footie matches contain it too. The verse reads For God so loved the world that he gave his only son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. See also below... played your records backwards Satanic references in rock records etc. The Green Room Multiple meanings here. The hospitality room where guests prepare (get wasted) before telly interviews is called The Green Room. However, it is also the title of White Metal's (another Christian Rock band) fan magazine. John 3:16 may well be one of their album titles as they named them after verses in the bible. They also stopped the God Squad stuff eventually and became merely a normal rock band. Great. Wendy Wimbush Scorer for BBC cricket spacehopper a big orange inflatable ball thing with two horns/ears which you grabbed and bounced up and down on. Honestly. Can usually be found in attics, sheds, somewhere at the bottom of the garden. Very 1972-ish. Victor Lewis-Smith claims that spacehoppers influenced his sexual technique. Backwards bit says "The body of Shane Fenton is in the laundry chute of the New Ambassador's hotel near Euston Station" or something similar. Shane Fenton (or is that Notnef Enahs?) is of course legendary 70's glamster Alvin Stardust, the Gary Glitter lookalike who initially appeared in "Hollyoaks" on C4 and can now (3/97) be seen advertising lottery scratchcards.

Prag Vec at the Melkweg [McIntyre, Treadmore and Davitt]

In the town where I was born
Lived a man who went to work
And he told us of his life
Building spaceships on £40 a week

And he'd take us all for rides
And we'd do some serious drugs in
Onboard the Enterprise Allowance
We could do whatever we liked

We would go to a Meadowlark Lemon seminar
Be at the Tony Monopoly incident
Sort a strobe for Connie Plank
Shop around with Johnny Kwango

If you would come with me to Dawlish
I'd be like Stadler's caddy for ya

And we would return in time for tea
And our Dad's would not have inklings
We said we'd been to organise a Frisbee competition
With the gypsies down the road

Do you want to swap a hundred spandex overcoats
For the mental age of a haversack
It's been like this since we saw
Prag Vec at the Melkweg

Oh I doctored my edible thong with Listeria
My only hope is that your offspring walks backwards
And just as I expected the shopkeeper appeared
And then the band began to play


Notes from www.hmhb.co.uk Prag Vec Actually written "pragVEC"; London-based band fronted by Susan Gogan, and the first home of Jim Thirlwell (Foetus etc). Never played the Melkweg. Reissues coming soon (as of 01/01). Melkweg Nightclub in Amsterdam, literally the "Milky Way". Starts off like Beatles "Yellow Submarine" forty pounds a week -- enterprise allowance money. Meadowlark Lemon was the leader of the Harlem Globetrotters basketball team. Tony Monopoly Singer who won Opportunity Knocks hundreds of times in the 70's, thereby demonstrating the vacuum at the heart of Britain's popular culture. Connie Plank Famous German (male) record producer. Johnny Kwango Wrestler (or is that actor?, could never tell). Had a "jungle" theme. Dawlish Boring English seaside town on the South Devon coast. [Craig] Stadler Golfer. listeria popular variety of food poisoning caused by eating Edwina Currie. Just as I expected, the shopkeeper appeared From kids TV program Mr. Benn.

Outbreak of Vitus Gerulaitis [McIntyre, Treadmore and Davitt]

Tedius people tiresome town
Under the gaze of the mayoral frown
Always calm with a gentle breeze
Tarkus in black vinyl please

But what would you do
If the sexton's wife from the best kept village nearby
Came running with bells round her neck
And says you better move away tomorrow or today
'Cos when the owl starts laughing
You will all fall down
There's an outbreak of Vetus Gerulaitis on the way

Why it's Mr Kowalski
It was you all along
That ski lodge would have been mine
If it wasn't for you meddling kids

But what can you do
When your mum's in Rampton bouncing off the walls and singing
Who's afraid of Virginia Wade
Why do that today when you can always put it off until tomorrow
Was our motto

Subsequently engraved on a plaque
As a reminder of the attack
Of Vetus Gerulaitis

We all fall down
We all fall down
We all fall down
We all fall down

Who's afraid of Virginia Wade
Of Viriginia Wade
Who's afraid of Virginia Wade

An outbreak of Vetus Gerulaitis in the town
In the town
In the town
In the town
We all fall down


Notes taken from www.hmhb.co.uk Vitas Gerulaitis Tennis player with a name that sounds like a venereal disease. Deceased via dodgy air conditioning/heating arrangement. Tarkus An LP by ELP. Dreadful stuff. sexton minor lay official of the church, usually some old git. I think the sexton has something to do with bells, but frankly I give nary a tinker's cuss. Kowalski Judging by later LP titles, likely to be a name borrowed from Del Monroe's character in "Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea". Although it could be a reference to Mr Brando opposite Ms Leigh in "A Streetcar Called Desire". ski lodge ... meddling kids Kowalski would make a good name for a "Scooby Doo" baddie. In the inestimably brilliant cartoon series, the villain always had a Polish name and with the aid of a rubber mask and a projector managed to scare off all other people trying to own the ski lodge/fun fair/mine/mansion. In the startling denouement, the gang from the Mystery Machine would unmask him and he would usually say something along the lines of "that ski lodge would have been mine if it wasn't for you meddling kids". Ou sont les nieges d'antan? Virginia Wade Nasal-voiced English tennis player, coincidental winner of Wimbledon ladies championship in 1977, year of the Silver Jubilee. Virginia Woolf was an abused-as-a-child lesbian novelist who wrote classic though rather dull books. "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf" is over-rated crap which I think starred Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor. Rampton High security mental hospital.