Upon Westminster Bridge [Achtung Bono]

Same old Hampstead
Ken Hom wok set
Dead Sea bath salts
Jog proof iPod
Iron age hill fort
Long term roadworks
High tide bird watch
B & Q Homebase

If Jesus came to Earth today
They've crucify him straight way
Upon a cross of MDF
And they'd use No Need For Nails

Ship-shape farmhouse
Dry stone wall chart
Cashback foot spa
Straight down Ladbrokes
Low cost school trip
Ramraid Oxfam
Christ that sun's hot
Yes that's right sir

Oh help me Mrs Meddlicot
I don't know what to do
I've only got three bullets
And there's four of Motley Crue

Spoiling Good Friday my ex-love sent to me
Twelve drummers singing
Eleven chairmain dancing
Ten mascots whinging
Nine stewards flapping
Eight christening invites
Seven cows a barking
Six vicars strumming
Nick fucking Knowles
Four boring words
Carphone Warehouse and Matalan
And a pulled up at Bangor-on-Dee

I'm driving backwards at peak hour
Along the Edgeware Road.

Notes taken from www.hmhb.co.uk

Upon Westminster Bridge is a poem by William Wordsworth, September 3, 1802.
Hampstead famous for the heath - "The Lungs Of London".
Ken Hom Oriental cook.
Dead Sea the lowest exposed point on the Earth's surface (1369ft below sea level), on the border between the West Bank, Israel, and Jordan on the Jordan Rift Valley. The endorheic body of water is the deepest hypersaline lake in the world, 76km long, up to 18km wide and 400m deep at its deepest point.
iPod Apple's 'pocket-sized ultralight hard-drive based device', i.e. MP3 player.
B&Q, Homebase where paintballers go on their weekends off.
"No Need For Nails" Not sure this actually exists - I only know of "No More Nails" and "Hard As Nails". Whatever, a solvent adhesive.
Ladbrokes bookies.
Motley Crue Poodle metal band from the 80's, still going. Vince Neil, Tommy Lee and Nikki Sixx get the bullets from me.
The guitar solo sounds uncannily like Woody Guthrie's This Land Is Your Land.
The next bit is obviously to the tune of The Twelve Days Of Christmas.
Nick Knowles host of BBC's DIY SOS.
Carphone Warehouse mobile phones.
Matalan low cost clothes and home store.
"...and a pulled-up at Bangor-on-Dee" i.e. a non-finisher at the racecourse, which is situated near Wrexham.
I'm driving backwards at peak hour... inspired by Spike Milligan's ballad I'm Walking Backwards For Christmas, first broadcast on the Goon Show in 1956 in the The Great Tuscan Salami Scandal episode (see where Banzai got their ideas from). Milligan sang this to fill in due a musician's strike at the time.
Edgware Road London street on the Bakerloo line between Paddington and Marylebone stations.